MADE A LIST … ”
Made a list of all persons we had harmed.
-TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p. 77
When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren’t alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren’t bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that particular time. Where there is a will, there’s a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feeling I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feeling of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings.
A “DESIGN FOR LIVING”
We in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, “a design for living” that really works.
-ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS , p. 28
I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a “design for living” that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this “design for living” that “really works”? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me unconditionally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship.
DRIVEN
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.
-ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS , p. 62
My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God’s will for me? Have I done service for my A. A. group?
LISTENING DEEPLY, p.226
How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act.
-TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 37
If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-thought-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I can relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary.
SEEDS OF FAITH
Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives.
-TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34
As a child I constantly questioned the existence of God. To a “scientific thinker” like me, no answer could withstand a thorough dissection, until a very patient woman finally said to me, “You must have faith.” With that simple statement, the seeds of my recovery were sown!
Today, as I practice my recovery — cutting back the weeds of alcoholism — slowly I am letting those early seeds of faith to grow and bloom. Each day of recovery, of ardent gardening, brings the Higher Power of my understanding more fully into my life. My God has always been with me through faith, but it is my responsibility to have the willingness to accept His presence. I ask God to grant me the willingness to do His will.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.